Photo illustration by Becky Harlan/NPR
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Photo illustration by Becky Harlan/NPR
Photo illustration by Becky Harlan/NPR
Has a friend or family member ever asked you to borrow money?
Earlier this month, Life Kit posed this question to viewers in an episode we produced about the social etiquette of borrowing money. Acts of generosity can unite people during difficult times. But it can also complicate the relationship—especially if the borrower doesn’t repay the loan.
We received nearly 50 emails regarding this matter. Many of you reiterated the general rule we discussed in this episode: If your loved one asks for a loan, give the money as a gift if you can afford it.
But we also heard different perspectives. Some of you have told us how borrowing money has ruined your friendships. Some people have offered suggestions on how to recover funds from negligent borrowers. Others shared uplifting stories about how the funds changed someone’s life.
Below is a selection of audience responses. They have been edited for length and clarity.
Leveraging Loans as Teaching Opportunities
Early in our marriage, my son and daughter-in-law had difficulty making ends meet and began asking my husband and I for money.
I agreed, but with some conditions attached. First of all, this is just a one-time thing. Second, they had to document in writing how the funds were used so I could see where the funds were going. They weren’t interested in the idea, especially since I’d see how they spent their money, but I didn’t care.
This exercise makes them aware of where their money goes. It only took a few months for them to live within their means. They are doing well now. They bought homes they could afford when interest rates were lower. ——Joan Shurtleff
Protect my friends from high interest rates
My friend was in a situation where she had high interest rate credit card debt on one of her credit cards, so I helped her pay it off. The price is over $500. I told her to return it to me after some time.
It doesn’t make sense to me that she should waste her money on interest. My parents paid for my credit card bill for two months between graduation and my first job out of college. When I got some pay, I gave it back to them. My friend’s family doesn’t have that luxury and I don’t think she should be punished for it. ——Yvonne Marcus
Don’t be afraid to ask for a refund
One of my college classmates was down on his luck. He was unemployed for a while and couldn’t make ends meet. He asked if he could borrow money. I loaned him $500, hoping he would pay it back to me when things improved.
About two years later, I called. It took him a few months, but he paid me back in full. ——Marian Dua
consider their personality
One day, a good friend of mine—a former roommate and tenant—sent me and some friends an email. He had just lost his job and humbly asked us if we could lend him money for one month’s rent.
It was unusual for him to ask for such a loan. My friend is a hardworking person who is responsible with his money. He was a reliable roommate and tenant who always paid his bills on time.
My wife and I discussed it. She suggested that we lend him the full amount and consider it a gift. Our finances are affordable. My friend was very grateful. As far as I know, we were the only ones in the group email who lent him money.
About a year later, when he got another job and got back on his feet, he paid us back in full. Considering his character and our friendship, it was a pleasant but not entirely pleasant surprise. While we’re all for giving money as gifts, it’s nice to know that friends can keep their word, too. ——Oscar Fornoles
So far, so good
I regularly lend money to family, partners, friends, and colleagues. I even offered to provide loans. They also lent me money. All I remember is a small loan to a person I didn’t know well. Maybe I’m lucky? Maybe it’s my environment? Is the way I choose my friends good? ——Daniel Garzon
Glad I got it as a gift
A few years ago, I lent $500 to an old friend. She was going through a rough time after her divorce. Out of sympathy for her situation, I wanted to assist.
But before doing so, I asked myself if I was prepared to never see that money again. I’m glad the answer is yes – because she never paid me back and never mentioned it. ——Salvateris Kemper
Thank you to everyone who answered our call. Join us for our next audience-generated story – and get great life advice from the experts – Sign up for Life Kit’s weekly newsletter.
This story was edited by Megan Keane. Visual editor is Beck Harlan. We’d love to hear from you. Please leave us a message at 202-216-9823 or email LifeKit@npr.org.
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