“The key is to maintain a permanent connection with your inner body—feel it all the time. This will quickly deepen and transform your life. ~ Eckhart Tolle, The power of now
“Relax your shoulders, hold your head high, and keep your feet on the ground,” I remind myself during my morning Tai Chi practice. It was still dark, but I knew my moves and my arms and legs moved with confidence and ease.
I have been an anxious person most of my life. I didn’t know I had anxiety, even though it tried to speak to me with the tension in my body, shallow breathing, confusing thoughts, and extreme emotions. To me, this is just my normal, baseline state of being. Until one day, anxiety finally caught my attention. That afternoon, I collapsed on the ground with severe pain in my waist. I could only lie on the bed, unable to move my legs.
The pain was excruciating and debilitating. The doctor said I had a herniated disc and recommended surgery. Surgery didn’t feel like the right thing to do, so I started researching other options.
Miraculously, I stumbled upon Thomas Hanna’s book Somatics or reawakening the mind’s control over movement, flexibility and health. This book explained the root of my problem in black and white. My lower back muscles are chronically contracted.
The book states that when our muscles contract repeatedly over a long period of time due to chronic stress, the tension can become so severe that the muscles can no longer relax themselves. Tension pinches and compresses nerves, and we feel pain.
I started the exercise program described in the book, which helped relax the muscles in my body. These exercises are based on developing somatic awareness. I also continued practicing yoga and deep breathing, and finally decided I needed therapy to address the root of my stress, which was living with emotional abandonment and neglect as a child.
In therapy, I did family of origin work and forgiveness work. I also grew my confidence and self-esteem by taking on challenging professional assignments, learning public speaking, and traveling the world for work. The anxiety is still there, but now I feel it, know its signals, and can respond through body awareness exercises and deep breathing.
In 2016, I entered a Tai Chi class. I had no idea what I was doing, I just followed the prompts from my well-meaning instructor, and I experienced some amazing things. I felt like I was stepping into myself. These unusual movements connected my body and brain, and I felt a freedom of movement that I couldn’t remember experiencing before. It was at that moment that I knew I would forever be dancing this strange and powerful dance of freedom.
Learning Tai Chi takes time and I started learning bit by bit, watching our instructor Florinda in class like a hawk and practicing the moves I had memorized at home. I also asked a few of the women in our group if they would like to practice together outside of class. We danced together in ancient Tai Chi moves under ancient oak trees near Lake Pontchartrain in southern Louisiana.
Over time, I began to feel freer and more connected to myself and the world, just like I had in my childhood memories as a child. I started to feel less anxious during the day.
Tai Chi originates from the Asian martial arts tradition and translates from Mandarin as “Supreme”, “Cosmic Mind” or “Universe”. It has a history of more than 2,000 years. Tai Chi movements are graceful and unique, asymmetrical and rhythmic, concentrated and grounded. When practicing TC, we move left and right, forward and backward, sometimes in circles, rarely standing on both feet, mostly balancing on one foot or the other.
The best way I can describe TC is that in all movement we are able to relax, move and breathe in a way that is in sync with the breath and rhythm of life. Or maybe, when we relax, we become one with life, which embraces us, moves us, and rocks us like a baby to the rhythm of our breath.
Tai Chi is based on the principle of yin and yang, which represents the opposite but inseparable qualities of life, such as darkness and light, joy and sorrow, material and spiritual. Through the practice of Tai Chi we learn that the opposites of life are inherently interconnected and we must try and accept its wholeness. We may even loosen our resistance to adversity in our lives.
Tai Chi is a powerful self-care tool, a phenomenon known as Sung, or Internal tension is released, is its core. Peter Wayne in his book Harvard Medical School’s Guide to Tai Chi, It’s called “shaken baby.” Thanks to the gentle, rhythmic, flowing movements and deep breathing, we literally rock our bodies like babies, soothing and comforting every system – nervous, muscular, digestive, respiratory, endocrine, etc.
Internal dialogue stops, thinking slows, and emotions calm. Suddenly, we enter a calm inner space, relaxed, alert, confident, authentic, and, as one TC practitioner in my group put it, moving like an “invisible cat.”
Another amazing thing about Tai Chi is the synchronized movement of a group of practitioners together. Each person’s movements are unique, but there is an invisible connection. There is a sense of belonging and support, and for the duration of the form the group connects with each other in a calm, shared space, like a flock of cranes flying together in beautiful form.
What to do about my anxiety? It’s still with me often, but now I think of it as a friend to remind me to rest, breathe, do tai chi, and relax.
About Lana Byrd
Lana Bird is an ATCQA and Yoga Alliance ERYT-500 certified Tai Chi and Yoga instructor. She created a YouTube channel to help everyone who wants to learn and practice Tai Chi at YouTube.com/@smallstepstaichi
