“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” ~Aristotle
Over the past few years, I started to feel a shift in my career. Despite spending years earning certifications and degrees and building skills, my job no longer felt meaningful.
As I thought about change, a constant thought echoed in my head: “Why can’t you be grateful for what you have?” I had a lot to be grateful for, but I was unhappy and constantly judging myself. After months of trying without success, I decided to sit with my guilt and face it with curiosity.
What I discovered is this: This is actually a part of my inner critic that was created to keep me safe.
My critics tell me to be grateful because they don’t want me to change. If I’m grateful for what I have, then, it reasoned, I won’t pursue what I really want, and I won’t fail. I won’t be seen either, so I can’t be judged. These things are crucial to that part of me. That’s why ignoring it doesn’t help.
Know your inner critic
We’ve all heard the advice to silence the inner critic. For years we have been told to hold on and dismiss this critical voice. But ignoring your inner critic is one of the worst things you can do. I know it’s tempting because that voice can be harsh and unforgiving. However, pushing it aside is like telling a frightened child to stop making noise and go away.
Certain parts of you, such as your inner critic or the parts that feel shame or guilt, were created in childhood to keep you safe. And they work really well.
If my inner critic tells me that I can never do something, and I listen, I won’t try, and therefore, I won’t fail. It has done its job of keeping me safe. However, if I ignore it and keep trying, I may make some progress but may feel exhausted and overwhelmed because that part is not on board. This caused a split in my energy.
When these pieces don’t come together, your self-worth decreases. This is key – you have to start listening and integrating the pieces.
Listen to your inner critic
So what do you do when faced with a frightened child? listen. You sit with them, ask them what they need, and provide comfort. When you do this, they will begin to calm down. The same principle applies to your inner critic. Instead of pushing it away, try to listen to it.
When you acknowledge your inner critic, you begin to understand where it comes from. Often, it attempts to protect you from perceived danger or failure. By listening, you can address underlying fears and anxieties. That doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything it says, but understanding its perspective can help you find more compassionate ways to respond to yourself.
Practical Steps to Embracing Your Inner Critic
acknowledge its existence
When your inner critic speaks, take the time to recognize it. Say to yourself, “I hear you. I see you’re scared. This simple acknowledgment can begin to ease the tension.”
Determine the source
Try to understand why your inner critic is so loud. You can focus on it and record it in response to the prompt: “What do you need from me to feel safer?” Being curious and open-minded can allow you to understand what you may need to move forward in a stronger way.
compassionate dialogue
Imagine your inner critic is a younger version of yourself who is scared and needs reassurance. Speak kindly and provide the support you want to your friend or child.
Practice self-compassion
Remind yourself that it’s okay to feel what you’re feeling. Validate your emotions and give yourself permission to rest, take a break, or seek assistance.
change your perspective
Instead of seeing your inner critic as the enemy, see it as a part of you that needs to be healed. This shift can change the way you interact with your inner voice.
The power of self-compassion
Embracing your inner critic is a powerful step toward greater self-compassion. When you listen to and respond to this critical voice with kindness, you create a more nurturing inner environment. This approach can lead to profound changes in the way you handle stress, challenges, and frustrations.
Remember, self-compassion is not complacency or laziness. It’s about recognizing that you are a person, not a person, and treating and treating yourself with the same care and understanding you would treat your loved ones. It’s about finding balance and giving yourself space to rest and recharge when needed.
My self-compassion journey
Reflecting on my own experiences, I realized that the more I listened to my inner critic instead of pushing it away, the quieter it became. By tapping into my inner critic, my creativity and productivity levels have increased significantly. This is a stark reminder that taking care of yourself leads to better outcomes.
When I practice self-compassion, I notice positive shifts in my life. Once-daunting tasks became manageable, and I found joy in activities that previously seemed like onerous tasks. By listening to my inner critic with empathy and understanding, I developed a harmonious relationship with myself, resulting in a more fulfilling and balanced life.
The journey of embracing your inner critic isn’t always easy. It takes patience, practice, and a willingness to be vulnerable. But the rewards are huge. By listening to and understanding your inner critic, you open the door to greater self-compassion, which in turn increases your overall happiness and productivity.
Next time you hear criticism, take a moment to stop and listen. Ask what it needs and respond with kindness. Remember, your inner critic is part of your search for love and comfort. By embracing it, you will take an important step toward a more compassionate and fulfilling life.
I encourage you to reflect on your relationship with your inner critic. How do you usually respond? What changes can you make to start embracing it with compassion?
