“This human being is a hotel. New people arrive every morning. ~ Rumi
When people become mindful, they want to feel better. They want any thoughts of worry, anger, or regret to calm down and stop making them feel so bad.
For now, that’s great, and mindfulness can do just that if you practice it consistently. But there’s something better to offer, and it’s both yes and no About feeling better.
I learned this during an intensive meditation retreat.
I was there, excited to be there, and ready to achieve a state of bliss, clarity, and insight. I had been waiting for this for a long time and was determined to make it work.
But my mind just won’t turn. It didn’t bring me the happiness, clarity, and insight I wanted, just bad memories. One after another, seemingly endless.
Every embarrassing, disappointing, or upsetting moment in my life. I don’t even know that I remember those things, let alone still feel unsettled. But here they are, both vivid and disturbing.
That’s not what I’m here for at all. I started to feel pain. I want these thoughts to stop.
On the third day, I had the opportunity to talk to the teacher who was conducting the retreat. We were given about fifteen minutes every other day or had to remain silent.
I told him my problem a little frustrated, not expecting much from the conversation.
He didn’t miss a beat. His instructions were clear and specific: “Let the memory come, feel the emotion in your body, and send kindness to it.”
ah?
This is not new to me. In the meditation classes I take, we have been learning to feel the emotions in our body. At first, this seemed impossible to me and, frankly, seemed silly.
“My emotions are not in my body,” I thought, “they are in my mind.” Feeling like they were in my body sounded like a hippie fantasy.
But to my surprise during the few months I meditated, I have Starting to feel the emotions in my body. First there were familiar feelings, like anger, fear, or sadness, but also strange, nameless ones—feelings of emotions I couldn’t put my finger on.
Therefore, I was not entirely unimpressed by the advice given by the teachers at the retreat. I even once listened to a guided meditation similar to what he suggested. But it didn’t do anything for me, so I don’t expect it to happen now.
But there I was, with all the bad memories, stuck in a ten-day retreat with the teacher as the only possible source of help and guidance. So I started doing what he said.
A memory arises here. I noticed this and quickly focused on my body. There it was – a palpable sense of shame.
I dwelled on this for a while until I realized the memory was gone.
Again, I did the same thing, this time trying to be kind to the way my body was feeling.
Then another memory, and another memory. It took me a while to realize that I actually was want to They keep coming. I’m so obsessed with my new technology that I can’t get enough of it.
Great, I thought. Maybe this is the teacher’s intention. I almost had a blast here.
But there’s more.
As I continued to pay attention to the sensations in my body, I realized that they not that bad.
In fact, they’re not bad at all. They are not painful; they are just sensations of warmth or coolness, lightness or heaviness, sinking or rising, and so on. Once I focus on them instead of the thoughts that come with them, they cease to be a problem.
After all, this was the insight I was looking for.
When we understand what emotions are made of, emotions are no longer a problem! When we break them down into their component parts—thoughts and feelings—they become paper tigers.
It was a revelation that kept me busy, observing the sensations in my body and trying to capture all the details: the size and shape of the sensation; Their ways are changing every moment. The whole experience became interesting rather than disturbing.
I continued like this for a few days until the memory stopped coming of its own accord. I wasn’t even relieved when they stopped. If anything, I found it a bit boring.
The most useful thing I’ve learned about mindfulness. But unfortunately, a lot of people don’t seem to know this.
I learned that mindfulness is not about getting rid of anything or trying to feel better. Really, it’s about learning to feel more fully and directly, turning to and exploring whatever sensations arise. Doing so can reduce pain.
And, ironically, when you stop trying to let feelings go, they tend to disappear faster. As I heard another meditation teacher say: “Feelings just want to be heard.”
Feelings are messengers trying to tell us something, if we can actually give them a proper listen Feel They will be on their way soon.
If you’d like to try this technique for yourself, here are more details on how to do it:
Sit or lie quietly with your eyes closed or your head down.
Tune in to your breathing for a moment, or to some other physical sensations if you wish.
Then start thinking about something that makes you a little uneasy. Just a little bit – not the most frustrating thing in your life.
Let yourself be immersed in your thoughts; let them really sink into your heart.
Once you feel a little uneasy, drop these thoughts and focus on your body. See if you can notice how this uneasy feeling appears in your body.
If you can’t feel emotions in your body, you may want to make an effort to meditate sitting or lying down and try to notice them there. After some practice, they will start to appear.
If you notice any uneasy feelings in your body, focus on them. Try to do it with an attitude of curiosity, even kindness.
Explore these feelings in as much detail as possible, trying to truly understand them rather than get rid of them.
If at any time you feel overwhelmed, you can certainly stop.
Keep doing it for as long as you find it useful and see how you feel afterwards. The feeling may or may not have gone away, but hopefully even if it’s still there, you’re not bothered by its presence.
Once you master this technique, you can use it whenever unpleasant emotions arise, whether in meditation or for the rest of your life.
So, that’s it. Now you know the most useful mindfulness technique I know!
About Michael Eisen
Dr. Michael Eisen is a committed meditator and clinical psychologist. Since 2017, he has been teaching meditation and mindfulness to clients in therapy, workplace, and healthcare settings. His blog is at secondaryarrow.co.uk/blog.
