“Dear Self: Don’t get so worked up over things you can’t change or people you can’t change. It’s not worth building up the anger or heartache. Control only what you can control. Let go. Love me. ~Unknown
When I took some time off in early 2020, I suddenly found myself with more time on my hands than I knew what to do with. I realized this was the most free time I’d had since the summer break.
But the COVID-related break is much longer than six weeks; it’s been three long months. The world seems to be in trouble. What will happen? Will everything change forever? Will I go back to working at my desk like before?
I have no idea. Everything came to a standstill.
After the first few days of distracting myself by binge-watching TV shows and playing video games, I suddenly started thinking wildly and spending far more time thinking than I was comfortable with.
This sudden stop in motivation forced me to think about where I was in my life. I’ve been riding the momentum of this wave for fifteen years and never really felt like I’d ever stopped to face where I was or where I was going in life.
I looked around and saw that I had gained twenty-two pounds due to chronic stress. I stopped exercising and dieting made me feel sluggish and tired. My life became working, sitting, and eating junk food.
But this is not always the case. Between the ages of fourteen and twenty-three, I went to the gym, watched my diet, and took care of myself.
Time has taken its toll on me. I became someone I didn’t recognize.
I suddenly felt so anxious about the future, worried about my health and money, and whether I would be able to own my own home or reach a level in my career where I could feel proud of myself.
I felt trapped, as if I was suddenly seeing my true place in life for the first time, and it was frustrating.
This period in my life taught me that overthinking is not good. This isn’t particularly helpful. Any help? Action, movement and forward momentum.
But I didn’t want to go back to the old momentum; I wanted one that was more intentional, one that I felt more in control of. I learned that if life doesn’t happen to you, life will happen to you.
my light bulb moment
A subtle (but huge) perspective shift: some things are within my control and some things are not. I can influence the things I can’t control to some extent, but my time is better spent focusing on the things I can control.
I have no control over what happens. There are so many variables in my life.
I realized that a lot of my anxiety had to do with things that I had absolutely no control over. Time spent worrying is stealing something I can actually change and control.
So I started outlining what I was going to do Can Control, I think it’s a healthy exercise for anyone.
Here’s the thing:
- How much did I exercise
- the type of exercise i do
- what do i eat
- when i eat
- when do i go to bed
- What information do I allow myself to consume?
- how much time do i spend watching tv
- people i spend time with
- How do I decide to react to something?
The things I have no control over are:
- How long will the epidemic last?
- What other people think of me
- my genetics
- What if something happened to the one I love
- Rainy days make me feel down
- how others act
The list keeps growing. those things yes What is within my control are the small but important habits I create every day. these are all me Can Change.
So I started thinking about what I could do to improve my life, one step at a time.
I’m lucky enough to have access to fresh food, so I looked up some healthy lunch and dinner recipes. I made these meals over and over for weeks. I felt lighter, lost a few pounds, had more energy, and gained a new appreciation for nutrition.
I bought a cheap exercise bike from an online seller. I kept riding that thing, three times a week for a few months, and felt my legs getting stronger. I also learned to enjoy the feeling of my heart beating faster when I worked harder.
I started writing more about my experiences and reaching out to others. I found like-minded people who felt the same way I did, which reminded me that I was not alone.
I stopped watching the news to remove myself from the chaos of the outside world so I could focus on my own world.
I eventually stopped using social media and instead spent time studying and listening to mind-expanding podcasts that provided me with new perspectives.
All these lifestyle changes make me feel good. They make me feel so much better physically and mentally.
stick to these habits
These habits and routines have changed my life. But I have enough time to keep up with them. After all, I have nothing else to do except spend time with my family or stare at the walls. The real change is making them a habit over time.
Sure enough, the world begins to return to the way it was before.
Before I knew it, I was asked to work from home. My staff gave me a laptop and told me I would be working from the comfort of my kitchen table again Monday through Friday. This in itself is anxiety-provoking.
I was grateful that I still had a job, but I had gotten used to new healthy habits and my focus time suddenly felt threatened.
Can I maintain a healthy lifestyle while working a traditional job?
Then it dawned on me that the real challenge we face is When we are preoccupied and sometimes overwhelmed by the hustle and bustle of daily life, take advantage of the things we can control.
We all know what’s good for us, but there are so many things we have to process and think about that it’s easy to slip back into bad habits.
A stressful day can lead us to go home and binge on junk food. A stressful morning can lead us to reach for a ready-made meal instead of preparing a healthy lunch. A busy week can leave us feeling too tired to exercise.
Fast forward three years and I’m back in the office, getting up at 6.30am and stuck in traffic again. Back to the state of having less money, returning to the tired state after work, with no motivation to exercise.
That’s the real challenge—to maintain perspective amidst the hustle and bustle of life and to stay firmly on top of what I can control.
But it doesn’t matter if you have less time. You and I both have to work, and many of us have families to take care of. We have responsibilities and there are things we cannot control, but we should never forget ourselves.
take care of yourself. Make a list of the things you can control and the things you cannot control. Find gaps in your day—free time you can take advantage of able Do something that will get you closer to where you want to be.
Start small; take a ten-minute walk once a week before work.
When you have half an hour to cook healthy meals, switch up your meals once a week and include something new.
Take a look at your daily screen time and pay attention to how much time you spend scrolling. Reduce this and do something else.
Do ten push-ups at night. Over time, notice whether you feel stronger.
Write 1,000 words once a week.
Practice mindfulness when you feel stressed.
Notice how much you have the power to change your life through small, regular actions. As you sit here reading this, you are indeed more capable than you realize.
You probably won’t see much change at first, and that’s okay. Changing things in your life is difficult and requires a level of trust in the process until you see the results.
Although life is almost back to what it was five years ago, I have learned a lot. Difficulties that initially made me feel anxious and depressed gradually helped me grow. It made me realize that I deserved to be taken care of. I wouldn’t have to blindly stumble through life if I chose not to.
While life can be busy, if I deem certain things important enough, they will always be within my control.
I can step in when I need to. I can make the things I can control positive. When I let go of the things I had no control over, I had more room to grow.
About Sean M. Clark
Sean M Clarke is a passionate writer with a keen interest in philosophy and how to apply the lessons of the past to modern life. He is the author of the blog projectenergise.com, where he shares advice on how to deal with anxiety and develop better habits for a healthier, calmer and more fulfilling life.
