Your friendship enriches your life. They are also good for your health. Research shows that people who have good friends and good relationships are healthier, happier, and likely to live longer. That’s why maintaining a social life may be the perfect complement to ulcerative colitis care.
“Whether you have IBD or not, social isolation is unhealthy for humans,” says Marci Reiss, a licensed clinical social worker and founder and president of the IBD Support Foundation.
You may want to hide at home during an attack, but ulcerative colitis doesn’t mean your social life and relationships have to end. Managing your friendships while managing your condition is a balancing act you can learn.
You are close to your friends, so it may be helpful to tell them about your condition. This doesn’t mean you have to tell everyone or everything.
“Bathroom talk — diarrhea, urgency — is not easy to share, and no one is coached on how to explain that to people,” Rice said. Her advice? Choose carefully who you tell and what you tell them.
You might feel like telling your friends you have ulcerative colitis is like telling them you have chronic diarrhea, but, Rice says, “people don’t know what you don’t tell them.” You have complete control over what you choose to share quantity. “You can put on a happy face and say, ‘I have an occasional stomach upset and I’m not in a good position to go out tonight.'”
With your most trusted friends, you may choose to share more. It can bring you the support you need. When Susie Janowski of Pocatello, Idaho, told her friends about her ulcerative colitis, she received an outpouring of support. “Anything you could do for a person, they would do for me,” she said. “It makes you realize you’re not alone.”
If you’re not ready to talk about your condition with a friend, find someone with whom you can share. Support groups for ulcerative colitis and inflammatory bowel disease are easy to find on social media and in real life. “It’s amazingly therapeutic,” Rice said. Sometimes group members feel so comfortable and enjoy sharing, she said, “it’s like a comedy show in our support group.”
A self-described “social butterfly,” Janowski is the co-leader of her online support network. “There are a lot of good people in these groups. They are very supportive; they try to help you and share their experiences so you know what to expect with colitis.
A word of warning about support groups: They should be supported by a health professional. “I’ve heard of people in support groups convincing other people to stop taking medication, start taking medication, try this diet, definitely have surgery, or definitely not have surgery,” Rice said. “The first-hand experience of another person going through it is powerful, but it can also be harmful.”
It’s one thing to tell your oldest and closest friends that you have ulcerative colitis. Sharing this information with your boyfriend or girlfriend may feel like another thing entirely. “If you want to have a relationship with someone, you need to tell them because you need someone to support you in this,” Rice said.
This may not be something you want to discuss on the first date, but you also don’t want to save it until after you’re engaged.
“It was probably sometime after the third date, but long before things got serious,” Rice said. “At a certain point, it’s a meaningful enough relationship that you need to share because it’s an important part of your life, but at the same time, you’re not so deep into the relationship that the listener feels betrayed. , and you concealed this.
Rice recommends not discussing too many details at first. Start by sharing what you need to share and answer any questions they have. You can provide more details as the matter progresses.
“If someone leaves because they can’t handle it, yes, it hurts,” Rice said, “but consider it a blessing because that’s not the right person for you.”
Once you share the situation you’re facing with friends, planning a social event becomes more about logistics than trying to keep a low profile. These tips may help:
- Take control of your arrival and departure times. If you need to get out in a hurry, you don’t want to rely on someone else to drive you home.
- Choose a location where you know you will have access to a clean, comfortable bathroom when you need it.
- When you arrive, determine where the restrooms are.
- Carry dispersible wet wipes with you.
- Ask your doctor about over-the-counter medications you can take before any social events you can’t miss, such as anti-diarrheal medications, anti-gas medications, or digestive aids.
- If you can’t get out but want to see friends, ask them to come to you.
Ulcerative colitis may make your social life more challenging, but it shouldn’t feel impossible. If so, talk to your doctor to see how your treatment is working.
As you return to the social world, Rice advises you to remember this: “You are more than your disease.”
