“If you pull it out for a few minutes, almost everything will work again, including you.” ~ Anne Lamott
I used to believe that success always means available. Always say yes. Always reply to emails immediately, slack pings, text, whatever I throw. Because if I stop (even for a second), I may fall behind. If I didn’t work harder than everyone else, would I even work hard enough?
This mentality has worked for many years. I thought. Every victory, every promotion, every new milestone feels like adding fuel to the fire. By social standards, the more “successful” I am, the title, career, financially stable, the more I force myself to do more.
My perfectionism began, too. I don’t just want to succeed. I want to be perfect in everything – career, leadership, maternity, marriage, friendship. And I never took anything out of the plate – I just kept stacking it higher.
I climbed the company ladder to become the first female vice president in a 300-person marketing organization for a Fortune 500 company and checked all the success boxes should It makes me feel fulfilled. But I was not satisfied, but felt… empty. Exhausted. It’s like I’m running on the smoke, but I’m so scared.
Then one day, my body had no choice but to stop. It’s not a slow fade or warning sign that I can ignore, like someone pulls the plug. I went from being a high-functioning overachieving to someone who couldn’t even form a sentence when mentally exhausted.
It’s not just pressure. Not just fatigue. The whole body and the whole brain are closed. Emails don’t make sense. The conversation feels like it is static. I can’t handle the idea.
My brain hit the off switch and I don’t know how to turn it back on. I sat on the table and stared at the screen, this was the first time in my life cannot promote.
That moment was more afraid of me than anything else.
Five years before total collapse, I had already taken a collision course. In a short time, I became a mother, promoted to director, took on more teams and responsibilities, lost my sister and grandmother, and moved into a new house-only caught fire.
But I still keep pushing and still keep performing because slowing down is not an option. Until my body makes one.
I remember sitting in the car after get off work, holding the steering wheel, staring blankly. I have nothing.
It’s not just exhaustion; it’s something deeper, which makes me feel like I’ve lost control of my mind and body. I built my full identity to increase productivity, to be a person, always delivering.
But now I have nothing to pay for. I don’t know how to solve it.
What I learned from the breakthrough point
But how did I get to this point?
How did I go from hustle to full shutdown?
Looking back, these signs are all there – I just ignored them.
Late at night, skipping the meal, I was exhausted all the time, and it was “part of the job”. My body has been warning me for years and I haven’t listened. Until I have no choice.
That breakthrough point forced me to ask myself what I avoided throughout my life:
What am I tracking, at all costs?
This is what finally made me realize that I can’t continue to do this (and what I wish I could figure it out) forward I hit the rock):
1. Rest is not a reward. This is a requirement.
For the longest time, I think sleeping more can solve all the problems. I watched the master class with Dr. Matt Walker (a sleep expert) and learned about Chronotypes, which are the larks vs. night owls. I Know I’m a lark in the morning, so I think, That’s great, I’ll go to bed early, that should be done!
Except, nothing.
I would lie there at night, my body is still there, but my brain is going on during a marathon.
- Did I give my child his medicine?
- Has anyone fed the dog?
- Do my team members feel better after getting sick?
- Nonsense, I forgot to do my laundry. Now, I have two choices: leave it, deal with the stinky tomorrow, or drag it out of the bed to fix it.
At that time I realized that rest is not just sleep. It’s about making your mind and body really reset.
I found that when I spend my time in the garden, I have more patience with others.
I crochet the first time in twenty-five years, making beans like my life depend on it. They are cute– This brings me peace that I haven’t felt in years.
I started playing board games with the kids, laughing at the table instead of rushing them to bed so I could jump back online and “success.”
For many years, I have regarded parenting as a responsibility (To be fair, this is), but I never let time be. Everything is a task to be accomplished and is a timeline. But slow down, be there, laugh with my family – it felt like a real rest.
Rest is not just a stop. It’s about resetting in a way that actually burns for you.
2. Ambition and balance can coexist.
Let’s be a reality – I’m still in progress on the line. But one of the biggest changes I made was the realization that everything in life is a season.
I’ve thought about every decision. explain No Feeling heavy, like I’m closing forever. But once I start thinking in the seasons, everything changes.
- I started saying “not now” instead of “no.” This makes the boundaries lighter and easier to stick.
- I know very well that I am not a commodity. If my cup is full of stuff, it is the priority time. What if something runs out of me? It’s time to let it go.
For years, I’ve been the kind of leader who says “I support your decision” and when someone needs a break, it’s always “but we really need you here.” The self-evident pressure on overwork is real.
Now, I revolve around the lives of people who encourage me to invest in my own – more than just support But, Push me to do it. All of this will be different.
3. If stopping feels terrible, that’s the sign you need to stop.
I’m afraid to slow down. I have built my full reputation:
✔ Always available (praise!)
✔ Always perform on top (praise!)
✔ Living all aspects of the noisy culture (praise!).
it Once was My identity. So, if I stop… who I am?
What should I do if I get nothing?
What if people no longer see me as “success”? Do they think I was a failure?
I’m still in this transitional state, and honestly, it’s still scary. But what tends to be unknown is part of redefining success. That’s what makes it feel less terrifying.
I used to believe in success = status, power, money.
Now, I think success is something bigger – health, happiness, existence.
Although I won’t pretend it’s easy, I can tell you: it’s worth it.
What does this mean to you
If you are reading this article, wondering why – despite all your efforts, you will still feel exhausted, stuck or Empty… I get it. I sat in the same place, running with smoke, firmly believing that pushing hard is the answer. But that’s not. Never.
You don’t have to break before you start changing. Small changes (step by step, rethinking the actual meaning of success) can save you from reaching this breakthrough point.
Now rest. Now restore your energy. Redefinition is now successful. Because the life you want is not waiting for the next achievement – it is waiting you Stop running long enough to really achieve it.
About Kris licata
Kris Licata is a former company leader who knows firsthand how the hustle and bustle culture hides his ambitions. Now, she helps the high-ranking people get rid of their burnout and redefine their success. As the founder of Break & Bloom, she creates experiences that can reset overachieving with creativity, connection and humor, because success should cheer you up, not consume you. Follow her journey and get real, relevant insights on Krislicata.com.
