“No possession we gain with the sword is sure or lasting, but love gained through kindness and temperance is sure and lasting. ~Alexander the Great
I remember when I was a kid, relatives from my mother’s side would come to our house almost every week—not to see us, but to borrow money. We lived in a long house with relatives and neighbors living in different rooms, and since we were at the innermost, they had to walk in to find us. My parents were so used to these visits that when they met certain relatives they knew what they wanted.
Conversations vary. Sometimes the mother would quietly give them what they needed, but other times, a heated argument would ensue. I would hear shouts like: “You have changed since you married your husband!” – as if it was my mother’s responsibility to provide for them even though they had families of their own.
My closest childhood friend was my niece, who was two years younger than me (my mother was born later than her cousins, which explains the small age gap) and was from a wealthy family grow up. We never had an argument, but I remember sulking a few times over hurtful remarks about money her relatives gave me.
I will never forget her uncle saying that she should not be gullible around me because I might “take advantage” and try to get money from her. I was twelve or thirteen and all I cared about was playing or studying. I didn’t understand the feeling at the time, but this review stung me deeply.
It’s understandable that people who grow up in wealthy families will protect their wealth (and they should, because they work hard for it). But as a child, I was shocked to see relatives pointing guns at each other for money.
I was young and neutral; however, I remember one side asking me not to visit the other side again, which I regret to this day. The latter were always supportive and caring, cheering me on every time I won an award, especially when I graduated as valedictorian of my elementary school. When my uncle died, I never got to say goodbye to him. I deeply wish I could be less ignorant of what was going on and stay connected.
These early experiences taught me how money can strain or even destroy relationships. Thankfully, my parents made sure I never felt like I was lacking anything, so our life wasn’t centered around money. When I make money from contests or special prizes, my mom lets me decide what to do with the money; I usually end up putting it into my savings.
I grew up valuing simplicity and viewing money as a necessity for survival rather than the focus of life. Even after working for seven years, I still have people ask me why I choose to commute or simply live when I have the ability to get so much more. I attribute it to knowing there are more important things than money.
My thoughts on money in different areas of life
During the pandemic, when life slowed down and people were forced to reflect, I came across a course called science of happiness from Yale University. The course emphasizes that, contrary to what we often believe, it is not money, well-paying jobs, or material possessions that bring lasting happiness. Instead, science confirms that it’s the simple things that actually bring happiness—social connections, kindness, gratitude, exercise, and sleep.
The course allowed me to identify what was important and helped me further reflect on my life. Here are some of my thoughts and questions I ask myself to stay grounded.
1. Relationship
Real relationships are not built on money, but on shared experiences, good and bad. While money can bring certain experiences, such as travel, the most meaningful connections are often formed through being together.
For me, I prefer to keep a small group of people that I trust because I know they will be there for me whether I have money or not.
2. Lifestyle
Lifestyle is not about the luxury brands you wear, but how you present yourself. Do you really need a Louis Vuitton bag when you can invest in things that bring more value to your life and pack them in a simpler, cheaper bag? Sometimes showing off your wealth can create a barrier that makes others reluctant to contact you.
As a commuter, I also value practicality – I don’t want to risk losing something expensive just to show off.
3. work
Work is necessary for survival and we spend a large part of our lives at work. But is it just about making money, or should you also find purpose and joy in what you do?
I have seen many people constantly chasing higher salaries, but I wonder-when will this pursuit end? Once you achieve your financial goals, will you still be happy if you sacrifice your health, well-being, or inner peace? No job is perfect. If there was a perfect job, everyone would do it.
4. Health
As cliche as it sounds, “health is wealth.” Money can buy expensive food, but does it guarantee good health? It can buy medicine, but could your illness be related to unhealthy habits that come with money, such as indulging in luxurious but unhealthy food? Sometimes the cheapest and simplest foods, like vegetables, are the healthiest. So, is it just about money?
5. Life/Purpose
Life is short. Do you think your purpose is just to accumulate money for your own benefit?
I am grateful to my parents for instilling in me the values of education—continuous learning and the pursuit of excellence, among others. I’m also grateful for this environment that taught me what not to focus on, and now my goal is to use my blessings—whether through writing or my work with data—to help others.
When Alexander the Great, one of the greatest military generals in history, was dying, his two dying wishes were to display his wealth on the way to his tomb to show that he could not take any of it away, and to have his hands hang outside the coffin , indicating that he will leave this world empty-handed.
Ultimately, all we leave behind are the marks we leave on others. I hope you choose to touch at least one life with kindness and love instead of just pursuing wealth.
About Villarambitco
Bea Lambitco is a data consultant and risk manager with over seven years of experience in the analytics and finance industries. Known for her maturity and independence, she now strives to share her personal reflections and experiences to help others. Bea is passionate about data and learning, and enjoys hiking in her free time.
